Dead to the world
by alltherosesbloom11
Summary: These are Roses's thoughts in the cell in Last Sacrifice.


**Author's note:**** This is another one-shot I just wrote. This was inspired by one of my favourite songs Dead to the world from Bullet for my Valentine. These are Rose's thoughts when she is in the prison in Last Sacrifice. Sorry for my mistakes. Please review! **

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing, Richelle Mead does.**

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Dead to the world

My life was GOOD. Me and my best friend run from school, but we were happy. Since when I was five years old Lissa and me were inseparable. She is my best friend I would die for her. I'm sworn to be her guardian . As I told you my life was good until the day when a 6'7 tall badass Russian drag us back to St. Vladimir's Academy. Since then most of my life was a nightmare. First of all when we came back we had to deal with the devil in form of a blonde bitch. That was cake for me compared to other things like Lissa's uncle was a power hungry bastard who tried to keep her as his personal I said thoose weren't much of a disaster, but what came next was much worse.

I started to fall for my mentor. Yes you heard right, my MENTOR. He was tall and handsome, no he was sexy in a way that you could only imagine. First I thought it's just a school girl's crush, but no such luck for me. It's pure love, the only love in your life. The more time we spent together the deeper I fell for him. At a point he said he loved me too, I believed him. We couldn't be together, because the seven years gap between our ages and Lissa and the fact that I was his student. After that he almost left me for one of his old friends Tasha , I made a big mistake that cost one of my best friend's life. After that the Russian told me he loved me more than he thought and he would never leave me. I was so naive I believed him.

We did our best to avoid the disaster and end up in bed together this time totally naked, but the Gods were against us. I had a weak moment from spirit darkness and he was there he lend his strenght to me and simply was there for me. Finally we end up in bed. Yes we made love and it was the best few hours of my life. Then we figured out what to do said that he would request to get assigned to another Moroi. Again we weren't lucky. He got turned in a rescue mission after the Strigoi attacked the school. My heart shattered into tiny razor edged pieces. I thought I would die, but then again I wasn't that lucky. Since then my life was a downward spiral. I went after him to kill him , to free his soul from its twisted existence. I made a mistake again, I let myself hesitate and that almost cost my life. He captured me and used me as his snack. He teased me with the memories of our time together. He wanted to awaken me. I was strong Lissa gave me strenght I had, to came back for her. I killed the Russian with a stake. I left my heart fell with him from the bridge. I came back protected my friend against another bitch and let myself love another guy. It wasn't the strong love I felt/ still feel for the Russian ,but it was love.

One day I got a letter, with a silver stake. It claimed that I didn't killed the Russian, and he wanted to kill me. When I was in Russia I learned that some guy had the luck to actually restore a Strigoi from his/her evil state. So I had one last tiny piece of hope. We broke out Lissa's criminal uncle from the prison and learned the information about restoring a Strigoi. Lissa learned to stake one. She restored the Russian, I was so happy until the next day. He didn't want to see me. He claimed that his savior was Lissa and I had to leave him alone. I broke again. I still fought for him, I did my best to clear his name and prove that he is a Dhampir again.

Then he said four words that I would never forget." Love fades. Mine has." In my life a lot of people called me bitch, bloodwhore or things like that , but those words had make me shatter.

Now I'm laying on a bed in a prison cell. I'm a person of interest in a murder investigation. The Queen's murder. Somebody killed the Queen with my stake.I think it's funny, they really think I'm stupid enough to kill the Queen and leave my stake in her heart?

I have nothing to lose.I'm here without hope. He take my heart, my soul, my everything.

I'm bored to death. All day I'm daydreaming about my few happy times with the Russian. The lust spell when we almost had sex, but It wasn't the right time so I'm glad that we didn't. The moments while he was carrying me in his arms after my „fight" with a Strigoi, there he said for the first time that he wanted me. The kiss before the ski trip, when I found his weak point. The hug on the balcony in the ski lodge, when I admitted that I love him so much that I allow him to be Tasha's guardian. Then the kiss in the gym when he said for the first time that he loved me. Then my first time in the cabin.

Then the kisses in Siberia. I was in utter bliss from his bites, but it was perfect there until I realised that I was a bloodwhore. I still have nightmares about his red ringed eyes, sharp fangs, cold skin.

I've forgiven him for that actions because he wasn't himself, he vas twisted inside and evil, but I can't forgive him that he pushed me away after he came back to life. I'm here crying again over my miserable life. I desperately want to hold him and kiss him, or just look into his deep brown eyes and be lost in the moment, but I'm a realist now and I know that he won't love me again or never had and that I have to move on.

He called me an avenging angel when I went to face him after he kidnapped Lissa, but now I feel like a fallen angel locked out of heaven.

I can't move on. I want him more than anything I would sell my soul to the devil, if that will mean that he will love me again. I just want to die. I Rose Hathaway have never been so desperate.

Somehow I have to escape from this weak form of mine. I need to do something what keeps me from going insane in this cage. I feel like a lion in the zoo. I can walk in circles and make a hole in the ground with my pacing, but it won't change anything. I can't change anything. Finally I fall in a deep sleep with just one dream. In the dream I got a stake, and I was on the bridge in Siberia. In front of me knelt the Russian in all his god-like glory. This time it wasn't night I was surprised how could he manage to be out in daylight. How? He was a badass I thought to myself, but then I saw his eyes and they were brown. Before I could move or have another thought he spoke. „ Roza I love you more than my life I would run from Montana back to this bridge a thousand times or kill a dozen Strigoi by myself in a tiny room if you'd give me the honour and joy to be your husband?"

I just stood there. I couldn't breathe I couldn't believe that this was his eyes somthing sparkled, then it hit me. He was on the verge of tears. „Roza I know I hurt you a hundred times before, but I promise I'd never stopped loving you, I was just in pain from what I did to you here. I love you more than anything. Please say something."

This time I jumped on him and tackled him to the ground. My lips was on his instantly and between kisses and tears I mumbled „yes yes yes". There I was happy so happy that I thought my heart would explode in happiness.

But as I was meant to be sad I woke up crying, this time it wasn't from happiness this time my world shattered again. Why me? Why the hell can't this tiny dream of mine come true? We were meant to be together, why are the Gods so cruel to me? Why?

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**I know it's lame, but I had to write it. :(**


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